Juggling with last minute changes

For a while, my husband was working from home for his job. That meant, any time one of our three children had an after school program, play date, or birthday party I could leave the other kid(s) home with him and drive or transport them by foot around the neighborhood without any issues. But about a week ago, his work required him to be at the office more days a week.

Ok! Let’s navigate this new situation, shall we?

On Monday, I realized he would be out at the office on either Tuesday or Wednesday, and also Thursday. Here’s the puzzle I had to solve: how would we make it to all of the possible commitments? He asked me, which of the two days Tuesday or Wednesday would be more helpful for him to be home?

I began considering what we had coming up on each of the days.

Tuesday

• Friend Birthday Party – One of my kids was invited to a birthday party that had been rescheduled TWICE. Because of this, and since I didn’t get the memo in time, he had actually showed up for the birthday party twice already but there were no kids. It was devastating! After this experience, I finally managed to get myself onto a whatsapp list so that I could get the updates and know about the changes of plans for the future. Suffice it to say, I wasn’t going to let him miss this birthday party 🙂
• Language Lesson – The same kid had language lessons which is an added academic service to school. I almost cancelled the language lessons that day in order to allow him to finally go to the birthday party, but the language teacher was nice and flexible. She said that she would allow for him to go to the lesson an hour early so that he would be done by the time the birthday party started!
• Play Date – Another of my kids had recently gotten sick with a fever and a cough. She may have gotten it when she delivered a get well soon card to her friend’s house (outside). With her sickness, she had to cancel plans on a girl who had wanted to come over. When the plans were cancelled, I suggested that the girl come over to our house a week later, which was this Tuesday. On Monday, my daughter finally got seen at the doctor who was not available for appointments much the week prior due to the holiday schedule. He seemed to think she was fine. So it was important to me to follow through and allow this friend to come over to our house. I needed to be home to host!

Wednesday

• Dance Lesson – One of my kids has ballet lessons after school. The thing is, most people live near the ballet lessons and walk there. We do not; we have to drive. I’ve arranged my own work schedule so that I never have any client meetings on Wednesday afternoons so that I can reliably be available to drive her home after ballet.
• Volunteer Babysitter? – We have a volunteer from the community who likes to come over about once a week to play with our kids. She usually comes over either on Tuesdays or Wednesdays. Which day would she come this week? She happened to have a class trip this week on Monday and Tuesday. I sent her a text message asking if she knew when she’d be free for us this week, but she didn’t receive it. I called her mother who told me she wouldn’t be back from the class trip until Tuesday night, but that she’d probably be able to come to us on Wednesday. The thing is, with my husband possibly gone, I couldn’t rely on probably. I had to find a certain solution that all my kids would be covered! I thought about getting a babysitter (as a backup? But what if the volunteer could come after all?) Then I thought perhaps my husband would be the one picking up my daughter from ballet this day after his job if worse came to worse.

I thought about all of the possibilities of where I could ask for help and grow my village. After all, I remember when I was a teacher and had to attend various professional development trainings, there were many whatsapp lists where people regularly asked for help from each other to walk their kids from place to place or host last minute play dates for each other. Which group should I ask now? Who could help fill in when we didn’t have enough coverage?

We had been invited to a family’s house for a meal this past Saturday and there were a ton of kids who lived there. The were spread out over many ages. I wondered if any of them would be interested to do us a favor and walk my son to his language lesson? He got along well with all of them. I put out the request to the mother of the family and after we clarified the opportunity a bit, the answer was yes! This person was 13 years old and didn’t know where the language teacher’s house was yet. I decided I would walk with them on the way over and show them where it was, then if I felt comfortable with the caution he took while crossing the street, I’d let him walk my son home from his language lesson. That meant I needed my husband to cover the other children at home while I did this, but perhaps this would be a relationship that would be valuable for the future? It would also allow me to be home more in order to properly host the play date for my daughter while my husband was working from home.

In the middle of making this plan, I got a text message from our trusty volunteer that she could in fact come on Wednesday! That meant Tuesday was the day to keep my husband home and Wednesday was the day that all our plans were covered between me and the volunteer.

Tuesday came. I greeted my kids at the bus stop with watermelon and they were so happy! My daughter was happy to have her play date. Her mother had requested that they eat vegetarian, so I had gone out special to get falafel- but the store didn’t have the kind of falafel that my son liked. So I resorted to getting pizza, something I knew everybody reliably liked, and watermelon. It was a big hit and we had all three of my kids, plus my daughter’s friend, and I around the table smiling and chatting over our meal.

Our neighbor came over on his bike and left it in our yard. I walked with him to the language lesson and told all the children to ask my husband if they needed anything while I was gone. I walked back home and my daughter’s friend asked if we could go to the playground. My son was walked home by our neighbor while I entertained my daughter and her friend at the playground! My husband called me when my son arrived home to let me know, as I had asked him to, so I knew everything was ok. Then, I had to bring my daughter and her friend home in time to take my son to the birthday party, and in time to be picked up by her mother, who knew my husband would be the one greeting her, so I could take my son to his party.

When I took my son to the birthday party on Tuesday, I spontaneously decided to stay at the party and took pictures for the hosts. It was so much fun to see him interacting with his class, playing games outside, making pita bread, laughing, and reminiscing about his days when he played in that spot while he was in kindergarten! Thank goodness I had coverage for my other kids that would allow me to be there for my son in that way.

Wednesday came. My daughter went to school with a leotard in her bag so that she could go to her friend’s house after school and then straight to ballet! Our volunteer came to our house freeing me up to drive to the neighborhood where the ballet lessons were. I also drove with a washed tupperware box that a friend had left at our house a couple of weeks ago. It was nice to see where they lived and this mother is so nice always telling me my daughter is welcome to come to her house anytime!

Thursday:

Thursday came. My son had another language lesson. And that day, I realized my other son had a birthday party invitation! After these two days of arrangements it was time to arrange again! What could I do? On this day, this son who was invited to the birthday party also goes to the honors program at a college but since he tends to get car sick on bus rides, he’s used to me picking him up in my car instead of taking the long bus ride home. Without my husband home this time to receive my other two kids from the bus, I had to pick up my other kids from school and drive them to the college. This meant I packed a cooler with cereal, milk, yogurt and fruit into the car. We picnicked outside before driving home and while we did this I explained how we all needed to support our son who has the language lessons and walk him to his lesson, together. That way, I wouldn’t have to leave anyone home alone, and they’d all get to see where his lesson was. I got their buy-in and was so glad we would get this exercise together.

However, for the walk home I felt it was too much to expect them to come out again. I would need babysitting coverage. I called and asked my husband if he had cash to cover a babysitter. He said sure and told me where it was. I sent a message to an impromptu babysitting group list and almost immediately had two people reaching out to me. I took the first one! Here’s how the timing worked out (this is rather comical):

Originally, unbeknownst to me (since my husband scheduled it and it changes from time to time) the Hebrew tutoring was scheduled from 4:30-5:15, a 10-minute walk away from our house (or a shorter drive). But the birthday party was supposed to start at 5:30, a 20-minute drive away. I texted the Hebrew teacher and asked what time the lesson was today, would it be possible to start at 4? She responded that she had already arranged with my husband that it would be 4:30. I asked my other son about the birthday party and he was hesitant. After the long school day at the college, picnic, and walk back and forth he was craving relaxation time at home. But he also liked the kid whose birthday party it was and wondered if he could sometime have a play date with him to play video games together. I told the friend’s mother that he would love to be able to do that sometime and she said that would be great. So, I’m glad another play date will be arranged soon.

In any event, I decided to do some cleaning up/organizing at home until the babysitter came. Somehow, when it was 3:45, I immediately said to myself, OK I have to get all my kids out the door right away to get my son to his language lesson! But it wasn’t true — his lesson was supposed to start at 4:30 not 4! I made a mistake but seriously when we arrived at the Hebrew lesson I was convinced we would be arriving at 4:30, not 4! I couldn’t believe the language teacher told me we arrived at 4!! I apologized for my mistake and she said you know what, you’re already here, it’s earlier than I thought but I can do it, we’ll start the lesson now. Oh my goodness. I told her I was crazy from all this plan juggling! I felt so embarrassed!

Then I had to figure out what to do about the babysitter who was supposed to arrive at 5. This would have been a great plan to pick up my son by car and then drive my other son a bit late to the birthday party – but she said staying at our house past 6 was a bit much for her and also my son didn’t even want to go to the birthday party. It wasn’t in the cards! So, after walking my other kids home, I picked up my phone and called my babysitter. I told her what a snafu I had made, and asked if she would possibly be available to come over in 10 minutes from then (4:20) instead of 40 minutes from then (5:00) so I could go and pick up my son from his lesson without dragging my other kids out again. She said yes!! Her mother drove her over, who I knew and was happy to have a quick chat with. Then I walked by myself to pick up my son from his Hebrew lesson (to save gas) and he was so happy that I walked him all the way home!

When I got home, I saw that the babysitter had with my daughter taken initiative to clean up the whole living room! I was impressed! She asked where to throw the recycling away! She said that even though she was only there for a half hour, since I was home she would accept half of the pay so she could go home and study for her test. I gave her full pay, after the curve ball with the change of time, told her she could go and thank you! My daughter said she was nice and she’d be happy to have her babysit again – great!

Then she called and said she left her purse at our house! So she came to pick it up! It made me feel that it’s OK to make mistakes!

Well, we got through another day.

It truly takes a village to raise a child.

I’m so thankful for my community and the flexibility of the people around me. It’s hard to really fathom the amount of juggling and negotiations that come along with being a mother unless you get to hear what a day in the life is like!

I love my children, family, and community. We depend on each other, and have enough people to depend on that we can find ways to get by when things change unexpectedly. It is truly a blessing.